Blessed Beyond Measure: July 2012

Asher is one month old already! How does time travel so quickly, and how does my baby grow up so fast? At times in the past month, I wondered how I would ever make it, but I did (surprisingly, maybe). During the late night feedings, with so much time for nothing but personal thought, I have reflected a lot on the past month and the emotions and memories that it held. So much has happened in my life and so much has changed. It has been a pretty wild ride, but one that I would not change for the world. As I realize how quickly things are forgotten though, I cannot help but think of Luke 2:19:

Luke 2: 15-19, "(15) When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about." (16) So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. (17) When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, (18) and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. (19) But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

Up until now, I am not sure that I've ever fully grasped what it meant to "treasure up" and "ponder" things in my heart, but with Asher in my life I now believe that I do. I wanted to take this moment to record as many of those thoughts as I can, because the joys and the frustrations, the pains and the elations, the tears and the smiles are all treasured up in my heart and although they may not always be fresh on my mind I know they will always be tucked away in my (now) mother's heart. Just writing this, makes my eyes well up with tears and I know that every day my little boy grows older. I would not wish for this to be different, but change is still hard to accept at times. At the same time though, I relish watching these changes take place and look forward to seeing the man that he will become...I say I look forward to it, but also I am in NO hurry for it.

Asher at 1 Week Old

Asher at 1 Month Old

So...here goes my thoughts and memories from the past month...the first month of Asher's life...in no particular order other than how they come to me and my exhausted, hormonal mind...

1. Holding Asher for the first time was AMAZING. I will never forget the moment that they placed his tiny little body in my arms, and I knew that the gift I'd prayed 3-1/2 years for was finally here. Great things definitely come in small packages.
2. Holding Asher for the second time was equally amazing, when we were able to finally look into each other's eyes, and even though he was just minutes old, I knew in my heart as he looked into my eyes that he knew who I was and how much I love him.
3. Childbirth is painful. Duh, right?...that is what everyone says after all, but I wasn't quite prepared for it. It is probably dumb, but I guess I was under the impression from what I'd read and the classes we took that if I got an epidural I would feel pressure, but little pain...WRONG! Even if my epidural had worked like it was supposed to, no one had ever told me that after you are about 8 cm, the drugs really don't work much anymore.
4. Breastfeeding is hard. Actually, from what I've heard, Asher is pretty good at it so I could have it a lot worse, but it is still hard and can be very frustrating at times. You're given few tools, a baby that has nothing but an instinct and a mommy that has no idea what she's doing. On top of that, you're both exhausted...it isn't exactly a great combination, but we're figuring it out together, sometimes with his tears flowing and other times with mine.
5. This probably should have been first, but our God is AWESOME! Although it was a long journey for us to get to this point, God has truly answered all of our prayers and continues to do so, even the most miniscule.
6. I am thankful for the family and friends that have rallied around us during this time. From meals that have been dropped by, to advice given from those that have been there before, to listening ears willing to hear out my frustrations and calm my fears/tears, to Eric's family helping us out the first few days so that we could fully focus on Asher...we have been truly blessed by you all (& you know who you are).
7. I am often amazed how comfortable I feel with Asher. I remember when Micah was born, how scared to break him I felt. Asher makes me feel like I actually know what I'm doing (sometimes)...I really don't, but at least I have the confidence in myself to give it a shot, and when I really am at a loss, I am blessed with people to talk to.
8. Dealing with Asher's eating issues in the beginning was scary. It is terrifying to know that I am responsible for making sure that this little human gets all of the food, nutrition, guidance, life lessons, etc. that he needs from Eric and I. We fully take on the challenge, but I know that I will be spending the rest of my life working hard not to worry, but entrusting Asher's life, healthy and safety to God.
9. I love watching Asher's little hand moves. I know he really doesn't control them, but we can't help but think that he is plotting to take over the world, planning to soar off into the sky, or asking us "what the heck" we're doing...too funny to watch.
10. I also love watching my boys hang out. Seeing Eric snuggle with and talk to Asher makes my heart melt. I have always known he is great with kids and kids love him (even ones that we've never met), but I've never really seen him interact much with babies. He loves our nephews, but even when they were infants Eric found them a bit "boring". It is very different with Asher though. He will cuddle him, gaze into his eyes and smile at the noises he makes. I can see nothing but love between the two of them. I also love watching him as he carries Asher around the house, showing him things, telling him stories, singing him silly songs, and making silly noises for him. He is always the entertainer, and I can't wait to see the relationship they will share as Asher grows older, and has the best Daddy around.
11. I will probably always remember Asher's first poop at home. Because of his dehydration and our worries, we were more excited for that diaper change than I ever thought possible. It was a funny, joyous family moment topped off with a Nat. Geo. magazine, tongs, googles and a clothes pin!
12. I have never seen Emma so tired, as I have seen her in the past month. She is about as exhausted as we are, but despite her tiredness, she has never shown any aggression or frustration toward Asher, and we are truly thankful for that...and love her even more for it!
13. I remember July 7th, as our little family laid on the couch together, feeling for the first time that life was finally beginning to feel normal again...a new normal, but normal nonetheless. It was a quiet, peaceful moment, and I was beyond thankful for the family that God has blessed me with.
14. Asher has beautiful eyes. There have been several moments in the past month, that Eric & I have just sat and gazed into his little, dark blue eyes.
15. Because Asher is so little still, he obviously hasn't been able to play with his cousins yet, but when they have been together, I cannot help but think how fun it will be to see them play and grown up together. I know they're going to be best buds.
16. When I was pregnant, Eric & I thoroughly looked forward to our appointments to hear Asher's heartbeat. When I was in the delivery room, it was the same. The nurse asked if we wanted her to turn it down, and we both said no. There was no sweeter sound than hearing the beat of our child's heart, whom we could not wait to meet.
17. Asher is one of those kids that loves to go for car rides...but is becoming one of those that fusses when the car stops. I can't help but think of the McDonald's commercial where the guy just keeps driving around at night to keep the baby asleep, and wonder if that will ever be us.
18. When people say to sleep when the baby sleeps, they are not kidding. It is hard to do at times, because there are so many other things that you feel need to get done, but if you don't do it...you will pay for it (like I probably will when tonight comes and I realize I spent my afternoon typing this when I probably should have taken a nap).
19. Everyone tells us how cute Asher is, and I completely agree, but honestly I am a little shocked. (Before you think I'm a bad mom for saying that, let me explain) Eric and I have never been those people that think all babies are adorable. We agree they are all gifts from God, but if I am completely honest, there have been many times that I've seen a newborn and thought it wasn't the cutest thing in the world. When I was pregnant, I began to feel a bit guilty about that, and thought that maybe Asher wouldn't be very cute, because God would want to teach me a lesson. I am thankful that God didn't make Asher pay for my mistakes.
20. I love Asher's little toes. I thought about them many times while I was pregnant and could not wait to tickle them. They are as adorable as the rest of him! :)
21. I also love his many facial expressions. From his gassy smile, to his pooping face, to the look of bewilderment, to his look of relief, to his ooo's and aah's. I love them all, and could watch them all day long.
22. Along those lines, Asher is one of the gassiest babies I've ever known. Even Aaron said he may have to start calling him "Mr. Methane", which means it must be really bad if that is coming from my gassy brother. :) I feel for the little guy as he spends much of his time whining and grunting, but neither Eric and I can help but laugh when he burps or farts. It is truly an amazing thing that those noises can come out of something so little. Some of his belches sound like those of a college boy. He is one talented little guy! :) ...as a side note, Eric tried to teach him how to belch "A", "J" so that he could impress AJ Dryer someday and set himself out of the crowd of other IBC boys that will likely show interest in her some day (sorry Tom & Alex).
23. Being sick when you have a child is MUCH more difficult. When I was ill last week, Eric & I had to completely change the way we did everything, so that I could get the rest that I needed to recover. I have a new appreciation for single parents and/or parents of multiple children. I do not know how you do it.
24. Pictures, pictures, pictures. In the first month of Asher's life, we have accumulated over 1,000 photos documenting him and our life with him. We are both going to need new hard drives soon to contain the images of our new favorite subject...but it's worth it!
25. Finally, I will say that this month has made my heart grow to include not only Asher, but a deeper, richer love for my incredible husband. I could not have made it through this month without him. He has been there to encourage me when exhaustion, hormones and frustrations got me down. He has taken over the shopping, household dishes, cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc., so that I can focus on caring for Asher. He has been there to take over, when I just didn't have it in me any more. He has prayed for me and with me. He has told me that I am beautiful when I felt the exact opposite. He's rubbed the tension from my back, fetched things for me while I nursed, and taken Asher at times that he can barely keep his eyes open so that I can close mine. I am beyond grateful for him, and as I look forward to celebrating 10 years of marriage to him I cannot thank God enough for placing him in my life. I love you Eric!!!

When week three began, I dreaded the fact that Eric would be heading back to work very soon. Although, I felt like things were getting slightly easier, I was also terrified by the idea of taking care of Asher on my own. Eric and I were also pretty bummed by him going back to work, as we had really enjoyed the two weeks that we had together as a family, simply enjoying life together at home. Here is a look at how the week went:

July 14, 2012:

Emma & I enjoying a much-needed nap.

July 15, 2012: Today, we took Asher to church for the first time. The outing went well, but everyone needed a little rest afterwards.

July 16, 2012: Today was my first day on my own with Asher. It went surprisingly well. We had a couple of visitors in the morning, Eric came home to see us at lunch, and then we got some naps in the afternoon. Before I knew it, the first day was over.

Asher meets Jamie Cooper.

Asher meets Danielle Cooper.

Asher & Daddy having some time together after being apart all day.

July 17, 2012: Everything that we've read, and heard from the lactation consultants told us that we should not give Asher a bottle, pacifier or anything else for 4-6 weeks (until breastfeeding was well established). Because of Asher's eating issues in the beginning he had already had a bottle, and after talking to the pediatrician we finally gave in to the pacifier idea. Asher liked it and we liked having something to "pacify" him with.

He's holding the pacifier in by himself.

July 18, 2012: Today, Erika came up with Micah and Caleb to hang out for a bit with us. Asher can't play with his cousins yet, but I know he'll love to when he can. Instead, he pretty much slept while Micah and Caleb played with his and Emma's toys.

Micah had come up and put his arm around us on his own. This is a recreation of that, but not quite as perfect as the actual moment.

Asher & I enjoying an after-dinner snuggle.

Emma is so exhausted these days, that she'll sleep anywhere.

I'm not sure how this is comfortable.

July 19, 2012: 80% through the week!

Asher complete passed out on my chest.

Night time snuggle with Daddy.

July 20, 2012: Finally, the end of the first week was here, and I couldn't help but have a little photo-shoot with my cutie-pie. Who could resist taking pictures of such an adorable subject? (on a side note, it is a good thing that pictures are digital these days, or we would be broke very soon with all of the pictures we've taken of Asher).