This week was stressful to say the least. To be completely honest, for a short time during I just about lost it. Being a wife/parent/adult in general has perks, but there are also many undesirable aspects, especially for a type A personality like myself. As I trudged through this week, the burdens of adulthood and the life-changing decisions that go along with it weighed heavily on me. My mind blew in circles like an F5 tornado, swirling around questions such as whether or not my family should remain in Kenosha...if we should move to a bigger house...if we should move to another school district...how my family would react if we moved further away...how sad I would be to be further away from my family...how sad I would be to have my kids not see their grandparents as frequently..if our kids should attempt the Kenosha public school system or if we have the money for private school...if we should spend the money on private school now or college later...if I will ever get around to taking my architectural licensing exams...if I will ever find time to study for the exams...if the firms that we currently work at are where we should be...if I got a new job would I be qualified after working with an odd software and working residential for a decade...if I'd ever be able to find another residential job (which is what I really wanted to do in the first place)...if I changed jobs, would I be able to find one that was as flexible as my current job and allows me to spend extra time during with week with my kiddos...if we will ever own our own firm as we have dreamt...what I will do without any friends in the area now that our best Kenosha friends will be moving...if at-home daycare education is enough for my children, or if I should put them (Asher) in a preschool...which preschool should he attend...how much will it cost...how will I get him to and from preschool...how do other working mom's make this work...why doesn't someone send parents some packet of information of how to attack all of these questions, when we have never had to deal with this prior and have no idea what we're doing...should we hire a cleaning service so we can spend more time with our kids in a less stressful environment...should we consider having any more kids with all of these questions up in the air (keeping in mind also that I will be 36!!! this year)...if we did have another kid, would we have to move to a bigger house (I like our house)...where would the kids sleep...is it possible for Asher and Avery to share Asher's tiny bedroom, or would we have to give up our office...have I totally ruled out the idea of adoption (there are so many kids out there that need good home)... So yeah...that is just a small glimpse into my (scary) brain.
On Wednesday night, realizing that my baby had already aged 3.5 years (how did that happen?) and that it was now January I set out to begin my preschool research. Soon after I just about had a panic attack and desired nothing other than laying in the fetal position on my bed as I continued to page through websites on my laptop and realized that some schools closed registration in a matter of DAYS! I was at wits end, juggling with all my balls in the air and having no idea how I was going to catch them all. Thankfully, prayer of myself and friends, a reminder of my mom to breath and take things one thing at a time and my wonderful husband helped me get through the week. By Friday, I was feeling like I could face the world, even though all of my questions were still left unanswered. The evening after, we rented the movie: Mom's Night Out.
It was completely coincidence. Eric and I had talked the weekend prior about the fact that we always watch guy flicks, because I enjoy them and I know Eric would prefer those to the movies on my own wishlist. Eric asked which movies I had wanted to see that were more chick-flick related and I listed off a few with Mom's Night Out being one of them. On Saturday night, Eric went out to get some groceries and when he returned he brought back that movie, so we watched it, not really knowing anything about it other than it was supposed to be a light-hearted comedy. Well, it was a light-hearted comedy, but unbeknownst to us it was also a Christian based film with the main character played by a mom who was basically my fictional twin; a mom juggling work (in her case as a stay-at-home-mom), being a wife, keeping the house tidy and trying not to loose her mind while being a complete germ-a-phobe and salmonella freak. Not only that, but she was married to an architect who also happened to be played by my childhood crush Sean Astin (Mikey of the Goonies). Within minutes of starting to watch this movie, I looked at Eric and said, she is me. His response, "Yep."
I continued to watch the movie and while I don't think it was one that normally would have made me (or anyone for the matter) cry, I did. As I watched this mom try to do everything and make everything perfect for herself and everyone around her while realizing that perfection is unattainable, I couldn't help but think about my own life. At the end when the emotional drama and cliche music hit as they so often do in Christian movies and a biker guy sat down and told her how Jesus loves her and made her the mom of her kids and the wife to her husband, I knew this was not a coincidence and that Jesus was speaking directly to me and my heart...and for that reason, I press on. I may not be and will never be perfect, but thankfully God's mercies are new every morning.
So now you know a bit of went on in this crazy head of mine this week. I debated for quite a while whether or not I should share it, but in the end decided that my goal was to be honest through this blog to myself and my boys...who someday may be struggling with the same anxieties of life and wondering how their parents made it through. This is how: One day at a time with God's strength. I will always be the first to admit that I am not exactly a "glass is half full" gal, but I also know that I serve an amazing God that loves me unconditionally and I can do anything through Him. That said, here is a bit of what else went on in our little world...
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| This guy LOVES spaghetti and couldn't get enough of it this night...He must have had 5 helpings!! |
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| On Wednesday Asher decided he didn't want his jammies on but he also didn't want his clothes on until after breakfast so he didn't make a mess (he had specifically requested his super hero outfit). He also asked for a bib to eat his oatmeal because he knows that he always makes a mess when he eats oatmeal. As he was eating he decided he needed to go potty, but was concerned that his bib was still on. Since it is hard to get off his giganto head, I simply turned it around..thus our naked superhero. |
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| Avery all set for some warmer temperatures! |
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| Avery & Asher helping me clean the basement on Wednesday afternoon. They wanted to vacuum, so I might as well let them. :) |
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| Asher snuggle with Daddy on Thursday night. |
Video: Daddy's Nose
My boys being silly with Daddy
Side Story: On Friday night, we went out to dinner at Chili's, and Avery was an EATING MACHINE!!! While at the restaurant, he ate one squeezy, half a string cheese, a bunch of chips, 1.5 sippy cups of milk, a bunch of oranges, some of Eric's Fajitas and about half of my Cajun Chicken Pasta!!! When I got home I weighed him and he was three pounds heavier than he had been when I weighed him 2 weeks prior. Not knowing if that was all food or if he had just had a growth spurt during that time I weighed him again a few days later (after he'd had some time to digest). Sure enough, he was three pounds lighter again! :)
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| Asher crawled into Avery's bed on Saturday morning. I lay smiling in my bed spying on them. |
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| On Saturday morning, Asher was having a good time playing with his buddies (he was even pretending to diaper them and care for them like a good daddy). Since he is quite used to his parents taking loads of pictures of him and Avery, he decided that he should take some pictures of his 'kids". |
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| Watching the birdies outside. |
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| Cheese! |
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| <3 Those Baby Blues! |
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