A Team Week 138: #boymom

Asher, Avery & I at the Milwaukee Domes

This week we celebrated my 6th Mother's Day.  Five years ago I was very pregnant and awaiting the birth of our first child.  2 years later, I was pregnant again awaiting the birth of our second child.  Today, three years later, I am so blessed to be the #boymom of our two adorable, silly, sweet, adventurous boys and I wouldn't change it for the world!!

So as a BoyMom, there are three questions that I frequently get:

1. Do you wish you had a girl?
2. Do you wonder what it would be like to have a girl?
3. What is it like having all boys?

My answer to the first question is simple: No.  I don't wish I had a girl and will repeat I wouldn't change our family for anything.

My answer to the second is also pretty simple: Yes.  Fairly frequently I wonder how life would be different if we had girls instead of boys.  To be clear, I don't long for that difference.  Rather the wonderment is shear curiosity of a life that I have no experience in other than being a girl myself (similar to wondering what it would be like to be rich).  Eric and I used to watch the show Malcom in the Middle which is a comedy about a family with 5 boys.  In one particular episode, the mother daydreams what it would be like to have 5 girls instead.  As she does so she ponders how various situations would be different with boys instead of girls and in the end realizes she likes things they way are.  For me, it is similar.  I wonder how things would be different (i.e. interests, toys, clothes, etc.), but never wish that they were anything other.

Finally for question number three I will say this: It is wonderful, exhausting, hilarious, smelly, snuggly, rewarding, trying, educational, frustrating, busy, joyous, messy and the list goes on.  Just a few weeks ago I saw this meme going around the social realm and couldn't help but laugh.  It isn't entirely accurate, but is definitely relatable!

In addition to the questions above, there is one other question that I think people want to ask me at times and don't (for the most part).  That question is, "does it make you sad that you don't have a daughter?"  This question has gone back and forth through my mind over the years and I will admit that at times it has made me sad.  Although I would never change my life as a BoyMom, the truth that comes along with that title is that there are things I will miss out on.

My boys mowing the lawn this week.

On the day that my sweet baby Avery was born, I realized that I will likely never have a little girl of my own.  Although I was (am) thrilled to be the mommy of two incredible little boys, I will admit that there is some pain in knowing that I will not have a daughter to pass my girly toys on to, to pick out a Christmas dress with, to transform into a Disney Princess, to watch as Eric walks her down the aisle or to throw a baby shower for.  Instead, my life will be filled with trucks, dirt, burps & farts, wrestling, and more.  If I'm completely honest, for the first few days after Avery's delivery, that bothered me.  No, I don't wish he was a girl.  God gave him to me and I am completely blessed because of it, but the realization of lost hopes and dreams can still be hard to swallow at times.

As I've pondered this I had to purposely focus on letting go of those dreams and instead praise God for new dreams I've been given for our sweet boys.  It was then that it dawned on me that yes, I do not have a daughter, but one day I will...  One day (should they choose to do so) my boys will marry the girls of their dreams and then I will have a daughter.  No, I will not be able to raise her as I'd pictured earlier in life, but I will love her as my own because he (& He) loves her.

I have heard in the past that the best way to know how a guy will treat his wife is to see how he treats his mother.  When Eric and I were "just friends" I spent a weekend at his home to celebrate Easter with his family.  It was the first time I saw his home and childhood room, the first time I spent more than an hour with his family, and the first time I got to see how he treats his mother.  In that weekend, I began to truly fall in love.  That weekend and for 16 years since, I have watched how he respects his mother...how he looks to her for advice and guidance, how he is vulnerable with her, and how a hug from her still makes him feel better no matter what is going on.  It is much the same way he is with me and I believe that my man is the man he is because he has a great mom.  Thus, rather dwelling on dreams of what might have been, I will live my life striving to be the best mom for the boys that God has granted me with.  

Credit

I will show them the kind of woman that they should look for and show them how to treat her (and women in general).  Rather than a bucket list filled with dolls, dresses, baking, slumber parties, shopping and bridal dresses, I am working on a new bucket list.  This list continues to grow and change and with it my prayers for my boys, my future daughters-in-law and our families will continue as well.

#boymom Bucket List (in no particular order):

1. Being their first love, Asher and Avery will learn both how to love a woman and how to be loved by a woman from me. (credit #1).  Thus as their mother I will take my role as their "Prototype" very seriously and I will...
1. Model for them my expectations of respect and kindness (credit #1)
2. Be a strong, self-respecting mom and show the boys how I demand to be treated well by them, Eric and the rest of the world (both as a woman and simply a human being) (credit #1)
3. Believe in them, encourage them and remind them that they are special and that God has a plan for their lives.  He has created them uniquely for a purpose. (credit #2)
4. Love God, Love them & Love Others...No.Matter.What
5. Teach them the difference between "doing the dishes" and "wanting to do the dishes"
6. Show them how to treat a girl on a date by going on our own "practice" mother-son dates.
7. Teach them... (credit #3)
1. That real Manhood knows the heart of God for the daughters of His heart.
2. That unless a man looks to Jesus, a man doesn’t know how to treat a woman.
3. That God chose to make His entry point into the world through the holy space of a woman, to enfold Himself inside of a woman, to drink of a woman, be held and nourished and cared for by a woman — that’s the jolting truth of how God loves His daughters with His honor.
4. That Christ didn’t degrade women in His talk, but He made women heroes in His stories.
5. That Christ entrusted the veracity of His resurrection to the testimony of the women, He offered the privilege of proclaiming Christ as the risen Savior to the women, though no court at the time would accept their testimony. That’s how God loves His daughters with His regard.
6. That when you turn the pages of the Bible, Son, let everything you read of women be shaped by how Jesus sealed His view and value of women.
7. That there are only beautiful people...ugly is only a state of the soul.
8. To allow Christ to shape them and not the magazine covers of the store checkout
9. That real Manhood means peer pressure only makes you stronger in Christ.
10. That real Manhood means you take responsibility for your body.
11. That real Men never pressure but treasure. No one tries to crush a diamond.
2. As their Mother and female "Prototype" I will also do my best to...
1. Show my boys what a Godly woman looks and acts like
2. Give them an abundance of hugs and kisses (even in public!) so that they know showing affection is necessary
3. Support them through their wins AND losses
4. Show them the love I have for their daddy
5. Teach them that girls can enjoy mud, trucks, science and building too by playing with them through their interests.
6. Teach them true beauty and that a woman is to be respected in mind, spirit and body (whether it be a woman in person, or one in a magazine)
7. Let their daddy lead me and head up our household as God intends.
8. Remind them that chivalry is NOT dead.
9. Not hide my tears.  They need to know that women (at least the ones like me) are emotional beings and a good cry washes the burdens away.
10. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings with me, so they know they can always come to their mother with anything and someday will also be able to open up to their wives.
11. Be a woman of dignity
3. As their Mother and first teacher I will teach them...
1. To be gentle, kind and nurturing (credit #1)
2. To open up.  Since females are generally more verbal than males (although not always the case and possibly not even the case in my own marriage), I will work on helping him to share what is going on in his life and how he is feeling about whatever may be going on  (credit #2)
3. To listen.  As a son, friend, future employee and someday (husband), it will be imperative that he also learns how to listen to what others (most importantly his future wife) are trying to say to him
4. To be respectful by demanding respect from them and giving them respect.
5. That there is always Hope in Christ
6. That winning isn't everything
7. How to communicate with their spouse, by allowing to see Eric and I continually working on our communication.
8. To laugh daily
9. To be patient
10. To be compassionate.
4. As their Mother and provider I will..
1. Seek out other (non-family) people who will speak truth into their lives.  People who can mentor them and help them to see value in how God created them.  People who will help guide their decisions according to God's Word and correct them when needed. (credit #2)
2. Continually seek out new ways to connect with them.
3. Serve them wholeheartedly, giving them all the love, discipline, prayer, warm beds, correction, guidance, instruction, responsibility, encouragement, education, wisdom, belly-filling meals, laughter and whatever else they need to become God honoring Men with a servant's heart of their own.
4. Serve others and be giving of my time, energy and gifts, teaching them to be compassionate, helpful and generous.
5. Give them opportunities to serve others.
6. Give them my time, but also make it known that God comes first.
5. As their Mother and first boss I will teach them...
1. To work as though working for the Lord, not for men.
2. To have manners and to be polite
3. To be honest
4. That jobs are necessary and beneficial, but should never define a person
5. To see beauty in the world and recognize opportunities to make things better and bring hope.
6. To choose words carefully and to speak with wisdom.
6. As their Mother and a spiritual leader I will 
1. Strive to not be anxious, but rather to give my worries to God
2. Fear and praise the Lord
3. Pray
1. For our family
2. For the unsaved
3. For our country
4. For wisdom and compassion
5. For the hurting
6. For purity
7. For our boys and their future wives: (credit #4)
1. That the Lord will draw him/her to Him
2. That he/she will desire God
3. That nothing will fulfill his/her heart until the day he/she turns to Him
4. That he/she will make wise decisions
5. That God will give him/her life experiences that will prepare him/her for their life and ministry together
6. That God will fulfill His purpose for him/her in His own way and time
4. Show that our self-worth is in Christ, not in anything that anyone else says. (credit #4)
7. As their Mother I will keep working at being the best mom, wife, daughter, Christian and friend that I can be as I add more ideas to this list in the years to come.

Credits:

1. 9 Truths 'Moms of Boys Only' Need to Know | HuffPost
2. 8 Things Boy Moms Should Know About Their Sons
3. About those “20 Minutes of Action”: 20 Things We’d Better Tell Our Sons Right Now About Being Real Men by Anna Voskamp
4. Praying for your Son's Future Wife

Now that you know my goals and aspirations as a mom, here is another weekend of my motherhood "work" in action with my three favorite boys...

Silly little man thinks he is so cute & funny (Mommy agrees).

Loving the FB filters! ;)

I finally got around to making collages of the boys' first years.

2 empty boxes + 2 boys + imagination = 2 astronauts and their spaceships headed off to space.

Video: Avery, Asher & Eric sport their "Papa Pants"

The boys and I spent almost the entire day on Wednesday outside with fun at the park, the garden center at Meijer and planting/playing at home.

They just keep growing up on me! Last year Asher was afraid to go down the fire pole on his own, but this year he went down without a word, smiling all the way! 

Last year Avery was not big enough to go down this slide which is super tall and fast, this year he did it while saying he was the king of the castle and giggling all the way down!

We spent some time throwing sticks into the pond with another little girl (& her grandma) who seemed to adopt our family.  ;)

My littlest builder on Wednesday night.

The remainder of the work week was our typical every day chaos.  On Thursday night Eric and I actually sat down with our calendars looking over the next 6 months to figure out holiday weekends, summer vacation, and other various days that required time-off of work.  It was great to get some things figured out for the year, but also more frustrating as we realized that Kenosha unified has 1/2 days of school EVERY FRIDAY!  Seriously, I cannot believe how difficult it is to have kids in school and two working parents.  We cannot afford (financially or mentally) for me to be a stay-at-home mom, but sometimes I think it would be so much easier (probably only in the scheduling aspect) to do that.

On Friday night, we got home slightly early from work, loaded the kids into the van with a variety of snacks/finger foods and spent the evening looking at more houses.  Although we did find a home that we liked quite a bit (with a workable layout and an amazing yard), we did not find one that we actually wanted to put an offer on.  Additionally we visited one house that grossed me out so much I took a shower that night after we got home!

Since the boys had had "dinner" in the van on Friday night and Eric and I still had not eaten we decided to call in an order of our favorite Texas Cheese Fries and pick them up for our own "dinner" on the way home.  Soooooo good!

On Saturday it was the beginning of my Mother's Day Weekend!  Every year I like to do something special with my boys to celebrate the holiday.  This year, we headed North to the Milwaukee Domes to enjoy the beautiful plant-life and then jaunted over to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch (which is becoming tradition).  It was a great time spent with my favorite people!

Selfie with my Asher.  Avery refused to cooperate.

Covering me up so I am not in the photo.  Stinker!

Asher's "Fry Frame" creation.

By the time we returned from Milwaukee it was too late for naps, so rather than resting we headed over to the church parking lot so that Asher could practice riding his bike and learn to start off on his bike with no training wheels.  Asher made good progress but didn't quite conquer his bike.  Avery on the other hand did work on pedaling his bike on his own, but was far more interested in blowing dandelions.

Video: Avery Blowing Dandelions

On Saturday night, after the kids had gone to bed, I finished out the wonderful day by savoring my delicious take home from the Cheesecake Factory! 

On Sunday, it was Mother's Day and the boys let me start the day off by sleeping in (for the 2nd day in a row)!!  While I was asleep they went to Meijer where they picked us up some celebratory donuts.  Then once they got home they excitedly came and found me in bed talking to my own mom where they delivered me some flowers and then headed back downstairs to wait for me to join them.  I wrapped up my call with my mother and then found them at the Dining Room table with their #1 Mom donuts and some gifts for me.  Eric said that my main gift this year was the 5 minutes they spent at the table without touching their donuts as they waited for me to come down! (I did get a few other little gifts though) :)

My gift from the boys that they made at daycare.  It was a framed plaster of Avery's handprints and Asher's footprints.  It was supposed to have a handprint and footprint of each boy but Avery's feet were so ticklish that he couldn't hold still long enough to make the plaster.

Donut Face.

Teaching Asher how to start off on his bike.

Once Asher gets going he is off!

After a lazy morning at home, time at church and some rest we spent the remainder of Mother's Day hanging out in the backyard and at the church parking lot for more biking practice.  It was a proud Mommy day when both of my boys conquered their bikes!  Asher finally figured out how to start off on his bike with no help and Avery learned how to pedal his bike all by himself!  Both of the boys are now biking pros and are often found driving circles around the driveway and begging for us to take them places where they can have more space to ride!

Little brother trying to catch up with big brother!

Video: Asher & Avery riding their bikes independently!

Video: Avery rides right at me (with Daddy's help)

So that was my Mother's Day and it was great!  I am so, so blessed to have the amazing family of boys that I have!  To close out this post though, I thought it best to end with two jokes...

As a Mother of Boys I can't help but think this (the first) is funny...

...and as a working, busy and often overwhelmed Mom, this meme that Eric sent to me speaks a lot of truth to our family if you change 'Pop-Tarts' to 'Toast'!