Reflections

I started to write this after Asher had turned 6 months old, and now he is 7 months old.  Needless to say, time travels too quickly, causing me reflect on all that has happened during the past year. I feel so blessed, and so overwhelmingly in love.  Being a mom truly is the best job, and I thank God daily that He created me to be Asher's mommy.

1. I was thinking about the first time I felt Asher kick within me.  I have to say that although I don't miss being pregnant, I do miss those love taps and being able to have him with me all the time!  I also remember fondly how much Eric enjoyed feeling Asher kick.  It was his way of connecting with the Asher before birth, and it reminded me how great of a father Eric is going to be.

Asher's Foot

2. As I looked forward to Eric's sisters baby shower last weekend, I was reminded of how excited I was for my own showers.  After attending so many showers for friends and family, it really meant a lot to me to finally be celebrating the upcoming birth of MY baby.

Eric & I at the LP Baby Shower

Eric & I at the UP Baby Shower

3. Before we had Asher, many people told us that our "baby" would become "just a dog" after he was born.  Although I can say that is not true, I will say that Emma has had to go through major adjustments and changes with the addition of Asher to our family.  She will always be my little pup, but she is no longer the "baby".  I love her dearly, but unfortunately have to admit that my time with her in the past 7 months has been quite limited.  Asher takes up so much of our time and energy, it is hard to pay her the same attention these days, and for that I do feel guilty.  Despite these changes, I can say that Emma has done wonderfully.  I know that she misses us (as is visible in the fact that any time Asher is not around she immediately runs and gets a toy to play with us), but she also seems to understand.  I believe that she is sad about the changes, but she also seems to genuinely love her not so little brother.  For that I am grateful to her.  As I think about how (when I was pregnant) we used to snuggle in front of the heat vent every morning while I ate breakfast, I am saddened and miss the time with her.  However, it is a blessing to see how she interacts with Asher.  I remember that while we were still in the hospital with Asher, we sent his birth hat home with Eric's parents to give to her.  I am told that she immediately took  it and snuggled with it in her bed.  She is a great big sister, despite previous concerns and shows of aggression toward children.  She has always been gentle with him and is learning (now that he is mobile) to get away from him when necessary.  When we come home with him, she immediately needs to check out his seat to make sure we brought the baby home, and often we have to keep her from jumping into his seat with him.  She will never understand exactly why she doesn't get the time with Mommy and Daddy that she used to, but I hope that she still knows she is loved and is not "just a dog."

Emma & I in our pre-baby morning routine

Emma with Asher's hat.

Emma meets Asher

Playing together

4. I don't think I will ever get used to the additional worries that Asher brings to our lives (warning TMI): Whether or not he is breathing, why he has a temperature, why he isn't eating well, why he hasn't pooped in a while, why he is puking bright yellow, why his belly button is red, if his car seat straps are tight enough, if he is going to have ADD...I know these worries will never go away and I am doing my best to entrust God with his care, safety and well-being.

Asher after his first shots

5. Snuggling Asher is one of my favorite things in the world!  I feel bad that my time snuggling with Emma and Eric is not as much as it used to be, but I can never get enough of snuggling with my baby boy...especially since I know a time will come that he will not allow it, so I need to get as much of it as I can now (& even now, he is starting to realize that moving around is more fun than snuggling with Mommy).  I also cannot get enough of seeing my boys snuggling together.  I love witnessing the love between Asher and Eric.  I hope that Asher knows how much his Daddy (& Mommy) loves him!

6. Watching Asher grow is a little painful.  I know it has to happen, and I am grateful that it does, but it is hard to watch nonetheless.  I love his little fingers and toes, and holding them, kissing them, tickling them, etc. is one of my current favorite past times!

7. Although I miss having a newborn (the cute cry, the snuggly baby, the funny squeeks), I love having a 7 month old.  Watching his personality blossom is the best.

Asher having an evening meltdown.

Smiley baby (photo taken just a few moments after the one above)

8. It is interesting how we forget pain.  I can recall being in the delivery room and discussing with Eric that our next child might need to be adopted.  The thought of going through labor again was more than I could bear.  Now though, 7 months later, I am not yet ready to have another child, but I do think to myself "it wasn't that bad, was it?"  Yeah, it probably was, but I think I can do it again to experience again the bond that I have with my child and hold that baby (knowing it is mine) for the first time.

Love at first sight

9. I am thankful that Asher is such a good baby.  He has been basically sleeping through the night since he was 2 months old.  When that happened I was so thrilled.  I had not experienced exhaustion like that since I was in architecture school (I probably got more sleep as a new mom than architecture school).  It was perfect timing as well, since that is about the time I went back to work and my rest was quite necessary.  In the past month though, be it from changes in Asher's 6 month old sleep/eat schedule, teething, or something else, he has been waking up once a night quite often.  I cannot say that I am by any means thrilled by this, but I will say that I have realized how special those middle of the night moments snuggling my baby are.  It may be hard to get myself up out of bed, but it is worth it...even if I feel like falling asleep at my desk.

10. When Asher would "smile" as a newborn, it melted my heart.  I knew that he really didn't know what he was doing and that it most-likely meant that he was working on a poop, but I still loved to see it.  In mid-August, at around 6 weeks old, he started smiling for real.  Then, my heart was really liquidated.  It is so fun to be able to interact with Asher and watch his personality come out.

11. Like smiling, we also heard Asher laugh a few times before he laughed for real.  He would laugh in his sleep and it was pretty much the cutest thing we ever heard!  For months, we did everything we could to make him laugh but all we got in return (if we were lucky) was a big gummy smile...not to say that that isn't enough.  At the end of September though, right before his 3 month birthday, he laughed while playing with Daddy.  I think that it was the best sound I ever heard and after hearing it now for a few months, I still cannot get enough of it.  Knowing that my baby boy is happy and can laugh is the best.

12. In general, Asher has been making all of his developmental milestones on a monthly basis: approx. 2 months: Smiling, 3 months: Laughing, 4 months: Rolling, 5 months: Sitting, 6 months: Sitting without support, rolling as a means to get around, 7 months; Crawling & Teething.  Of all of these, it seemed that Asher had the hardest time with Rolling.  He rolled from his belly to his back right before his 4 month birthday.  We got him to do it 3 times in a row, and a couple of times about a week later, but after that he had basically NO interest in continuing to roll over, because unlike most babies he really enjoys being on his belly.  About a month later (right before his 5 month birthday) he rolled from his back to his front.  That he WAS interested in!  Once he figured out that he could both, he was rolling all the time.  Then, just a few days later he sat up for the first time and during the months of December and January he worked on perfecting both of those.  Now he can play easily while sitting up (I often find him with a toy in his mouth and another toy in his hands to play with.  Up until a couple of weeks ago, he was rolling everywhere he could to get to what he wanted, and he would use his skills for sitting up to fall in the direction of his goal to make him that much closer to the object.  Now, he has added crawling to his repertoire, and it seems that nothing is out of reach now (at least not items within an arms reach of the floor).  If he wants it, he will find a way to get it!

You see me rollin'...

On the move.

13. As Asher develops his motor skills, he is also developing his emotional skills.  I have noticed that he has been bonding more and more with Eric and I over the past couple of months.  He will now cry when I put him down and leave the room, he reaches for me when I pick him up from daycare, and he will crawl to me from the other side of the room when I call him.  I love to be his mommy, and I love that he loves me back!  It is such a great feeling to know that I am loved by the boy(s) that I would do anything for!

14. Asher now has 2 teeth (which we first noticed on January 29th).  He handled teething fairly well.  His mood got a bit cranky at times and his drooling went from a tablespoon or so a day to what seems like buckets (drenching bibs, shirts, etc.)  To help him with the pains of cutting teeth, we gave him teething toys from the refrigerator, frozen fruits & ice in his food strainer and let him chew on spoons, spatulas, our fingers and anything else that would appease him (while keeping him safe).  When we saw the new teeth last week, we breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that we had made it through and had some time before the next ones came.  However, in the past couple of days his drooling has picked up again and his cheeks are nice and rosy, making us wonder if there are more teeth coming in the near future.

15. As an expectant mother, I stressed last Spring about what I should register for.  So many products seem like great ideas only to find out that they are useless and a waste of money.  Thus, after having the last 7 months to actually give the gifts we got a try, I now have a few favorites and not-so-favorites: We loved the "occupiers", such as the swing, the Jumperoo and the baby gym, and I am thankful to have all three.  It may seem that you only need one of them, but having a few options at different locations around the house was very useful.  They have kept him happy while we got things done and when he got bored of one, we could switch him to another if we still needed a bit more time.  The Bumbo chair is dumb.  It seems like a good idea, but I think we have used it maybe 3 times.  By the time that Asher could actually use it without simply flipping forward, he could already sit up and therefore didn't need it.  Plus his thick thighs do not fit in it.  For what I believe is a $40 gift, I would tell anyone to spend their money on something else.  Plastic books are great!  I bought one for Asher for $1.50 and it his one of his favorite chew toys, and unlike board books, I don't need to worry about it dissolving.  The food strainer is a fun way to give Asher food and let him feed himself.  It is messy, but yet another occupier that is a tasty bonus!

Just a swingin'

16. Feeding Asher solids has been (mostly) fun.  At this point, he has had rice cereal, oatmeal, pears, applesauce, peaches, blueberries, mango, melon, green beans, sweet potatoes, peas, squash, carrots, potatoes, chicken & rice, mac & cheese, chicken with noodles & veggies, and turkey.  So far he seems to enjoy pretty much everything, except the turkey, which made him gag.  I hope that he will continue to enjoy food and try new things, and I pray that he does not become a picky eater like his parents.  To make this happen, I am thinking I need to find a way to make him think that Eric and I enjoy a variety of foods and that (unlike reality) we don't just eat spaghetti and tacos.  I am also thinking that I either need to lock the pantry cabinet where we have a huge stash of unhealthy foods, or I need to find a secret location to hide the stash in, so that Asher will not be fixated on getting his little sticky hands on all of our junk food and instead will be interested in the fruits and veggies that I am going to have to start keeping around the house.  I have also noticed that it is best to try to feed Asher dinner before he gets too tired (which due to our work schedule is difficult most of the time).  As he gets tired he starts to rub his face, suck his thumb and rub his eyes, meaning that he gets food everywhere making his skin and hair sticky and crusty.  Fun times.

Asher trying out pears...he really does like them though...

17. Now that Asher can roll around as much as he wants, he sleeps on his belly.  He has always enjoyed belly sleeping, but we used to try to discourage it (although I will admit that I have allowed him to sleep that way at times to help with his gassy belly).  He moves around his crib like a wild man, so we often find him crammed into a corner with his head or legs tilted up on the side.  Seeing what he finds comfortable is pretty entertaining.  Makes me kind of wish I could record the view I have on the monitor, which can be pretty funny at times.

18. Asher is not only getting stronger and more physically capable, but he is also working on his verbal skills.  He has been "talking" for a while now (he started cooing at around 6 weeks old), but recently his "talking" has been getting much more complex.  He even enjoys trying to talk while he eats (making a big mess).  Lately he also enjoys making spitty/farty noises with his mouth and also wavering noises (think Indian dance circle because I'm not really sure what the noise is called).  Finally, I can say that Asher has said "Ma Ma" already (both Eric & I have heard it).  I do not believe he had any idea what he said, but as his momma, I will take it as his first words anyway! :)

Talking to his bug buddies

19. Bottles were difficult for us.  In the very beginning we had to give Asher some bottles because my milk was not coming in and Asher was dehydrated.  Once my milk came in Asher was exclusively breast-fed until my maternity leave was up.  Towards the end of my leave, we tried to give Asher bottles to prepare him for daycare, but he wasn't having it.  He would throw huge fits for Eric even though I tried to get as far away from them as possible.  When he started daycare we were not sure how it would go, but it ended up being fine.  On the first day he threw a fit for the first bottle, but eventually took it.  Then he was fine for all the bottles afterward, although he would only drink from one specific bottle (same brand, type, etc. didn't matter...he only wanted the one bottle).  In the past few months, we have tried a couple of times to give Asher a bottle outside of daycare, but he was not interested.  When Christmas time came, and Eric had to watch him, we had no idea how he would do with eating.  Surprisingly he did pretty good...not great, but he had enough to eat between what he would take from the bottle and the solids Eric gave him.  Then, about a week later, he was fussing during dinner and we gave him a bottle just to occupy him while we finished eating.  I thought there was no way he would take it while I was sitting right there, but he did.  Silly little boy!

20. When Emma was a pup we would give her "mandatory nap time" when she would get a little crazy.  Now, when Asher gets overtired and it is quite obvious that he needs a nap, but is resisting, Eric will do the same for him.  Eric will swaddle him and get him really warm and snuggly until he stops resisting and gives into the cozy warmth surrounding him.

Mandatory nap time.

21. I am pretty sure that Asher was the cutest baby owl ever!

Whoo's the cutest baby owl ever???  This guy!

22. Asher is obsessed with technology stuff (the cameras, the remotes, cell phones, etc).  More than anything else though, he is completely obsessed with our ipods and specifically mine.  If he sees even a small corner of my red ipod cover sticking out from somewhere, he is immediately drawn to it and forgets about anything else that he may have been doing (like nursing).  It hash gotten so bad that I cannot even use my ipod while I am nursing him because he will stop eating completely and work on getting ahold of the ipod instead.

23. Asher LOVES to be naked!  What boy doesn't, right?  Ideally, he would love to be completely naked (commando), but since I'd prefer him not to pee/poop on the floor/furniture that rarely happens (at least when Mommy is around).  When he does have the chance to get naked though, he is a HAPPY boy!

Naked!

24. Enjoying the "firsts" with Asher is wonderful!  Whether it is his first Christmas, his first time enjoying Legos, his first time swimming, his first bath, etc., I am continually reminded that being his Mommy is the best gift I've ever been given.

25. Going back to work and leaving my little man in the care of a stranger is one of the hardest things I've ever done.  I miss him every day, and although some days are easier than others, I still wish that I could stay home with him.  On the good side though, I am thankful that my boss has allowed me to have a flexible schedule and take Wednesdays off to spend with Asher.  It is my favorite day right in the middle of the week, and since I have to work the other 4 days, I am forced to make the very best of my one day with him as I can and to not take that day for granted.

It's so hard to say goodbye.

26. Although I think that I could have been okay with adoption (& I still question whether or not we can/will adopt a child some day), I also admit that I love having a little slice of mine and Eric's DNA.  Seeing Asher make faces that we make, have physical traits that we have, do things we do, etc. is pretty incredible.

My boys & their allergies.

27. Finally (although no less or more important than the other 26) I LOVE watching Asher figure out the world around him.  Looking through the eyes of a child is a refreshing way to see the world.  Everything is new whether it be beautiful or ugly, surprising or scary, amusing or boring.  It is amazing to see things in a new light and get to experience everything anew.

Asher meets mirror baby.

Well, for now that sums up my thoughts as a mother of a 7 month old.  Before I know it I'll be reflecting on the first year, then the last 18.  I wouldn't change it for anything though.  In closing, I will say that as I love watching my little man grow I find it quite intriguing how he is following in his daddy's footsteps.  I do not have as detailed records of my growth to know how Asher would compare with me, but so far Asher's growth is right in step with Erics:

Asher                                  Eric

Birth:        22"        / 8#4oz.        Birth:        22"    / 8#12oz.

12 Days:                  8#6oz.        15 days:                8#11oz.

1 Month:                  9#8oz.        1 Month:               10#3oz.

5 Weeks:                11#6oz.        5 Weeks:               11#6oz.

2 Months: 24.5" / 13#15oz.        2 Months: 24"     / 14#1oz.

4 Months: 27"    / 16#14oz.        4 Months: 27"     / 17#0oz.

5 Months: 28"    / 17#10oz.        5 Months: 27.5"  / 18#2oz.

6 Months: 28.5"  / 19#12oz.       6 Months: 28.5"  / 19-20#

7 Months: 28.75"  / 20#3oz.       7 Months: 29.25"/      20#