The following fall, about one month after Avery's 2nd birthday, I was surprised to find out that I was not only pregnant but that I was 8 weeks along. Unfortunately the reason that I found this out in the way that I did was that I was in the process of miscarrying and the baby had no heartbeat. Two days later I was back in the hospital to finalize the pregnancy. To say my emotions on this matter where jumbled is an understatement. I was grateful that God had not allowed me to find out about the pregnancy earlier, as it protected my heart from the excitement and then disappointment of a future with that baby. At the same time though I couldn't help but think about what could have been. Although I was off the pill, Eric still was not on board to have a third baby and a part of me felt like this was the opportunity that got away. But it just wasn't meant to be and now I look forward to meeting two other members of our family someday in Heaven.
Since that fall (2016), we have had many ups and downs as we discussed whether or not to grow our family. Eric's desire to be done didn't change and neither did my desire to have one more. We'd always talked about having two kids and we do have two awesome little boys, but it doesn't change the fact that in my heart I desire one more (which is just as surprising to me as it was to Eric)...and for those wondering it was NOT a desire to have a girl but rather a desire to have one more child and sibling for our boys no matter the gender. If I am completely honest I was slightly disappointed after discovering that Avery was a boy but only because I had to deal with the emotions of changing my plans. I had always envisioned having a girl to build a relationship similar to the the one that my mother and I share and while I do have a great relationship with both of our boys I know that as they grow older talking to their mom about many (or most) topics will not be a top priority. Once I'd dealt with those emotions and allowed myself to envision a new future as a #boymom I was truly at peace and that is where I reside today. I cannot wait to meet our third (& final) baby and while I look forward to finding out if it is a boy or a girl, I really don't have a preference. In fact, with 6 little boys in my family and another 2 little boys in Eric's family (offset by my lone niece Olive), I think I would be rather shocked to find out that the baby I'm carrying is a girl!
So all that said here is the account of my pregnancy so far...
Several months ago, while still trying/hoping to get pregnant, I was talking with my coworker about how I hate the waiting part that goes on month after month. She suggested that I buy tests strips in bulk because they are MUCH cheaper and then you don't feel guilty about testing whenever you want. Around the same time, my doctor also suggested that I purchase some ovulation tests to see if I was ovulating. Thus I went to my go-to shopping center (Amazon) to see what I could find. For around $12 I was able to purchase a package of 50 ovulation strip tests and 20 pregnancy strip tests...which would normally be the price of 1-3 pregnancy tests depending on what you bought. Anyway, with so many tests around, I no longer felt guilty about taking the test and rather than the wait-and-see approach I began testing as soon as possible so that I could beat the monthly round of disappointment to the chase.
Then, at the beginning of May I took a test to see if we had been successful this time around and I got a negative result. I was bummed, but not surprised and continued on as I had for the many months before. As the week progressed I started having PMS symptoms and waited for the next cycle to begin but nothing happened. When the weekend came, I was working on a new bible study that I was doing (The Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer) and one of the questions in the workbook told me to write down some of the struggles I was currently experiencing. I wrote about the frustrations of the unknown in our lives regarding moving and having a child.
When I finished the study I was praying about what I had learned and asking for God's help to grow when I heard Him speak to me. Now for those of you reading this that are not Christians this may sound a bit kooky, but it is the truth. All of my life I have wished I could hear God so confidently like several other believers I know, but for whatever reason (likely my own disbelief, impatience and lack of actual listening) it has only happened a couple of times in my life, with this experience being one. Anyway, I was sitting in a lawn chair in our backyard enjoying the sunshine and watching our boys happily play with the hose and kiddie pool when I heard God tell me to go and take another test. I quietly retreated into the house and did just that and then waited the suggested amount of time to look at it. Again the result was negative. At that point, knowing I'd heard God so clearly, I was a little surprised but I left the test on the counter and finished up the tidying I had been working on in the meantime upstairs. When I was done straightening up our bedroom I headed back downstairs, stopping in the bathroom along the way to throw away the test strip still sitting on the counter. As I picked it up to throw it out, I realized that in the extra time the test had developed a very faint line on it now indicating a positive result!!
With that positive line our whole world changed and the emotions hit me. I was super excited that God had granted my request for another child but also terrified to tell Eric. I was so scared of how he might respond that although I am not proud to admit this I told another person the news before I told him. On Saturday evening I texted my friend Jen...
This is brand new but I THINK I might be pregnant! I took a test today and there is a VERY faint positive line. Then I took another and No line? I haven't said anything to Eric yet. Afraid of how he will react. Although he'll be ticked if he finds out I told you first! Opps. ...I guess we will see what is to come. I'll tell Eric tonight and then he'll probably run out and get another test for me to take since it seems inconclusive...
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| The negative result next to the *barely* positive result. |
Saturday ended up being such a wonderfully perfect day though (gorgeous weather, happy family, quality family time, etc) that I didn't want to take the chance of dampening it so I waited until the next morning to tell Eric. He reacted in a state of shock, but took the news surprisingly well. He did say though "if it is twins I'm out." My response: "Me too!" ;)
On Monday I called my doctor to see what I should do. Since I am now in my late 30's and have had two miscarriages she had asked me to let her know as soon as possible if I became pregnant. With my call in to her, she promptly ordered some blood work which I went in for that evening. The next day (May 8) I got the call that the pregnancy was confirmed.
Now with this pregnancy I believe my belly popped out almost immediately. Most people probably wouldn't have been able to tell, but I definitely could. On that evening, Asher proved to me that I had a baby bump or that I am at least chubbier than I should be when he looked at me slouched back in my chair after dinner and says, "guys! Maybe mommy is going to have another baby!" Eric and I just looked at each other dumbfounded. During this time I was also experiencing a lot of lightheadedness and forgetfulness...so much so that I forgot my purse at a clients home after a meeting and didn't remember it until I got home!
On May 9th (Wednesday) I went in for a second round of blood tests to make sure that my hormone levels were rising appropriately. The next day they called and although the numbers were rising slowly they were still in the acceptable range. This meant I had to go in on the 16th for a third round to see if my levels had surpassed 6000. With the idea that they should double every 2 days or so, I thought I might get there by then but may be slightly under. However, when they called to give me my results I was told that they had gone from 500 to 9000 which meant it was time to schedule an ultrasound! I texted the news to Eric. His response: "There better not be twins in there...we are going to need to make sure your mom knows she has to retire by January."
The weekend following this excitement was Eric's brother Rob's wedding. Since we would see both sets of our parents that weekend in person we wanted to give them the news, but at the same time we did not want to take away from Rob and Negin's special day. We told my parents through the help of some Mother's Day gifts (one of which being a donut box highlighting our family's number to become a Baker's Dozen) on Friday night. Then we kept our mouths shut on the matter for most of the rest of the weekend. Since my belly had basically popped out right from the get-go I worried that people would notice the difference at the wedding (especially since the ribbon on my dress seemed to call even more attention to it), but for the most part that was not the case. We did have one incident however when Eric's aunt did notice the bump and asked him during the reception if we were expecting. Taken by surprise at the query Eric (not wanting others to know about the baby before his own parents found out) quickly lied and responded with a flat no before excusing himself. Finally on Sunday night, when all of the festivities were over, we gave Eric's parents the news as well.
Side story: Eric and I did find it quite comical that earlier that weekend when we first saw Eric's parents, Eric's dad (unaware at that point of our new situation) saw me and asked, "Have you gotten skinnier since the last time I saw you?" Eric and I struggled to contain our laughter and then I replied, "No. If anything I've gotten a little fatter."
Following the wedding, we arrived back home on Monday, May 21st and at 8:15 on Tuesday morning we found ourselves at the hospital to see our little peanut for the very first time...and peanut he was (based on our family's track record, I will assume peanut is a boy unless proven otherwise)! The baby (at only 5 weeks along really just a little blob) measured a little smaller and less along in the timeline than I thought but they said everything was looking good (no signs of bleeding or clotting) and found a good heartbeat. The due date was officially set for January 16.
The weekend following, I took a picture with Avery to share the news with my brother and sister-in-law and Eric shared the news with his siblings a few weeks later.
On June 12th, we went into the hospital again for my first official appointment with my OB. Again we got to see our little peanut but since I was still only 9 weeks along at that point there was not a lot to see. Thus, Dr. Saitis told me that when I came in for my next appointment (at 13 weeks) she would do another quick ultrasound so that we could get a better look at the baby.
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| A fun surprise left outside our home by a dear friend after we confirmed that the pregnancy was moving along as it should. |
A week and a half later (June 21) we told the boys about the baby and even though Avery had told me that he doesn't like babies the night before they are both very excited. Asher asked if we might have a black baby. I told him that in order to have a black baby you need to have a black mommy or daddy. He responded by saying that that was not the case for his friend Gabriel. (#schooled). Then I had to tell him about adoption and try to explain what that is and that his Gabriel is adopted. When I was finished Eric looked at me and asked if Gabriel knew he was adopted. Being that he is five years old and a different color than his parents I assumed he must know, but texted the daycare just in case. Then I found out that Gabriel had in fact not yet been informed that he is adopted. OOPS! Christina promised to run interference if any conversation came up on the matter at daycare. That night I also told the boys that my belly would get really big and Asher said, "Mommy is going to be fat!" The boys next asked if we were having a boy or a girl and they were not impressed that they will have to wait to find out. Neither seem to care much one way or the other, but Avery did say that we need to "pick" a girl because we already have too many boys in the house. :P Also, despite my calling the baby Peanut, the boys have affectionately named the baby Optimus Megatron...fitting for a #boymom.
Video: Telling the Boys
So the number one question asked whenever I tell anyone that I am expecting is, "How are you feeling?" Honestly, the first trimester was pretty easy. I had some bad headaches, bloating and lightheadedness, but unlike the boys I had almost no nausea. The only real complaint that I've had is that my restless legs started up very early in the pregnancy and I fear that they will continue and get worse during the remainder of my time carrying our peanut. With Avery my restless legs were unbearable and offered me basically no reprieve or sleep wearing me down both physically and emotionally. I am REALLY hoping that this time around will not be anywhere near that bad.
Other than that, there isn't much to report about the first trimester. Throughout the time, I didn't crave anything too majorly, but I did find myself wanting fruity and/or sour candy, cheese popcorn, lunch meats, salads, vegetables and Mud Pie.
On July 12th I went in for the last appointment of my first trimester, and knowing that we would be to get another look at our little peanut, we decided to let Asher skip a little of his summer schooling to join us. Watching his excitement for his new baby brother or sister was heartwarming to say the least.
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